Snap and Ponder: The Longing

sirao peak

Time will always come when you feel down and you can’t do anything but to wait for the sun to rise. Why wait when you can just say stop and feel high? Human as we are, no matter how high-spirited we are, we will always feel tired and would long for a break. When would this dilemma end? How will this end? I’ve asked myself.

I’ve been in those darker days where I just browse my blog and watch my old vlogs because of missing something. That something where I feel the freedom and joy of life, that something that makes you worry nothing, and all that something that would let you say, “thank you God for the good life!”

Recently, I’ve been undergoing into one of my toughest challenges in life that could trigger into even something more dangerous – or should I say, life-threatening. And I’m tired of feeling the intermittent excruciating pain inside my body. It’s like something is being pierced and pinched inside my lower abdomen and back. Sometimes I can’t work and even sleep well because of what I’m feeling. There are times that I lose my appetite and feel sick but I have no choice but to complete my meals because of my medication. Sometimes, I feel tired of rushing to the restroom and releasing what’s needed to be released. It hurts so bad that I want to stomach sleep so that I could get some rest.

But sometimes the pain is bearable that I could still get the chance, at least once in a while, to become what I want and being able to go to the mountains and breathe the fresh air and feel nature’s healing and it was very worth the risk. I thought that I can’t make it, but thank God I was able to manage the pain as if nothing’s happening inside.

Now I’m stuck again in this cycle – stress, pain, and meds and I just want it to end. And I wish to become the me that I used to be, just like a mighty eagle that soars high above the skies and I can’t wait for that moment to come.

I’m not okay but I’m gonna be fine.

Share this:
  • Sorry to hear about your current situation. Trust in God that He is more than able to heal you whatever your pain now. A moment like this, only God could feed us enough strength to continue what we do, what makes us happy and fulfilled. I cognize that it won’t be easy, but God will surely heal you inside out.

    Stay strong always, and keep your trust on HIM.

  • hannafrej

    Like what you said to me a couple of weeks ago, “Bati nang happy ra ka pirmi kay mura kag galupad.” What you are going through right now, somehow serves as a reminder that our feet needs to stay on the ground. Because after all, we are not invincible. This will remind you that you have to take care of yourself more often, because even if there are people who’ll take care of you, in the end, you are the only one held accountable to whatever it is you do to your body. Both physically and emotionally.

  • It is in pain we value life and the experiences we had. Looking forward nga maayo na ka, Ciji! Hilom ra kaayo ka sa meeting/chat lately.

  • JD

    Have a break, have a bukid.

  • JONtotheworld

    Take your meds, Take good care of yourself. Trust in HIM. Thank you for this raw and open post. We were able to relate because in reality, we all have our own battles in life. Keep doing what you love. Travel and explore. You’re gonna be okay.

    • Thank you for your advice Sir Jon. Yes, trust in HIM. thanks for reading and droppin’ by. Will surely traveling soon! 🙂

  • Aww I really hope you will feel better the soonest! 🙁 It’s hard to keep guessing about what’s going on in our body. Yer right maka stress just to think about it. Hope you get your much needed breather and rest even if you’re working hard.